The Methods

We use the labels "SideA" and "SideB" to describe what divides us.

But we think it is equally important to acknowledge what unites us--our commitment to the mission of Bridges-Across--the creation of respectful relationships and dialogue between those on the different sides of this issue. We may disagree about what the appropriate view of homosexuality is, but we agree about how we should talk to, listen to, and treat one another.

Which brings us to the methods.

Many on both sides are opposed to our ideal of respectful relationships and dialogue. Some of them think that such respect is impossible to achieve, others feel that extending that respect to those on the other side is wrong. The resulting dynamic is one which (in our opinion, unfortunately) plagues most discourse on the moral/political issues surrounding homosexuality today. We call this popular method of engaging those we disagree with Method D.

What does this dynamic look like?

For one thing, it is marked by fear. A posture of defensiveness is assumed. It is not safe to listen or respect, on this view--the other side will take advantage of whatever we give them.

It is also marked by distrust. There is no need to listen, on this view, because whatever the other side says about itself is lies. There is no attempt to get to know or learn about the other side, to allow them to speak for themselves, because nothing they say can be trusted. Those who are distrustful in this way may believe that there is a conspiracy or an organized effort to propagandize. Because the other side cannot be trusted, everything that is known and believed about them comes from leaders and authorities on one's own side.

It is also marked by a war-like attitude, a tendency to see one's main goal to be defeating or crushing the other side. With this attitude, there is no attempt to discern the justice or legitimacy of the other side's claims or complaints. If it hurts them, it must be good. If it costs us something, it must be bad. Often this attitude is accompanied by the belief that the other side is extraordinarily and incorrigibly vicious--that they are not worth dialoguing with.

In contrast, our aim at Bridges-Across is to promote a different approach, something we call Method E.

Supporters of Method E do not deny that that our disagreements with the other side are serious and profound. We may view the other side as promoting evil and/or destructive practices and beliefs. To be Method E is not to be naive about the other side, nor is it to be lukewarm about one's own convictions.

It is, rather, to insist upon acknowledging and respecting the humanity of those with whom we disagree. For those of us who consider ourselves Christians, we feel that Jesus's teachings about loving our enemies and blessing those who persecute us call us to reject the approach of Method D in favor of this method. What are the marks of this method, practically speaking?

We reject the fear approach of Method D, by opening ourselves to dialogue and relationship with those on the other side.

We reject the attitude of extreme distrust by listening to those on the other side, learning about their lives, hearing what they have to say about themselves, seeking to understand them and where they are coming from. This does not mean we accept everything the other side says without scrutiny. But it does mean that we open our minds to the possibility that our preconceptions about others are wrong, that others' experiences have differed from ours, and that not everything the "experts"/leaders on our side say about the other side is correct. We believe that one learns more about gays from talking to gays than from talking to James Dobson. We believe that one learns more about ex-gays from talking to ex-gays than from talking to Wayne Besen.

We reject the attitude of "culture warriors" in favor of seeking ways to promote peaceful, harmonious coexistence. We consider that in spite of our disagreements some of the other side's complaints of injustice and unfair treatment may have merit and should be listened to and addressed.

Note: You do not need to share all of our Method E convictions to take part in our dialogue forums. Many of us did not have them when we came here, and many of us have days when we fall short of the ideal they represent to us. We do require that people treat each other respectfully in the forums, follow our forum rules and guidelines, and not attempt to sabotage the project.