email Cera

mmm.. how to start. I 'spose the formal way is to introduce y'self and shake hands. my name is cera, as maggie stated before, i'm 18. i came out when i was 15 as a lesbian. i identify myself as sexual now. figure it out for y'self. i never imagined myself to be in a place like this. the label 'ex-gay' carries such power and pain and anger for me, it's a big step for me to confront them. 

it's funny, i just read maggie's quotes from gender shock and i think i might know the parents of the missing boy. i have six friends to count who were institutionalized against their will in "torture centers." that phrase is used on the streets of seattle and is recognized by many queer youth. 

two of my friends are dead. they committed suicide two and six months after being released into the hands of their parents. two are missing. the clinics ate them up. one is a ex ex-gay, in a very happy relationship with a man, for 10 years. one has refused to see me or talk to me, 'cause i am 'still walking the path of the devil.' i think that's wot she said. she bears absolutely no resemblance to the girl i knew before. 

all my friends were committed when they were minors. in the queer youth community in seattle, they is a terrific fear of anythang religious. there is no distinction behind against-yr-will torture centers and places like exodus. 

i and others don't understand how someone who has chosen to get rid of their homosexuality 'cause it was wrong, can be an ally for the queer community. it just reads as a big ole contradiction for me. 

but, i'm here, because i care and because two of my friends are dead because of this. a total of 8 friends have died just because of this hateful, bigoted society that is rammed down queer kids throats everyday. and i'm so scared. and i guess we gotta start the dialogue. it's a life or death issue for me and i don't want to loose anymore friends. i feel too responsible as it is. 

i'm not exactly sure what i feel about all this. steve, i think we were pflag-talk and i thought you were polite and nice but at the same time i felt threatened by you. what if my parents had been fundamental x-tians and i came out to them and they read a study and you were in it, claiming you had been cured (this being hypothetical 'cause i admit that i don't know any of the details of yr conversion, or if you even call it that)...and they were like okay, ppl can be cured, let's commit cera. it's still happening. 

it's hard for me to see ex-gays as anythang but fuel for the x-tian right. and i will be the first to admit that prolly comes from a lot of ignorance and fear. but i'm here to remedy that, and i 'spose that's the first step. 

i apologize for the rambly-ness and prolly confusion of this message. i'm dealing with leaving home and it's also 2 in the morning. whoah is life. :)