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Lynchburg, SoulForce, and Exgays
Love Your Children, Love Won Out
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by Maggie Heineman
 

Part   I - Firmness in Truth - Nonviolent Response

Part  II - Jerry Falwell's friend Michael Johnston

Part III - Love Your Children,  Love Won Out

Part  IV - Matthew 5:38-48, Romans 12:14-21

Part   V - SoulForce Principles & Bridges-Across

Epilogue - From a Ministry Director to Chuck Colson
 

 

Exgays and the Political Religious Right

People for the American Way (PFAW), Public Research Associates (PRA), and the Human Rights Campaign (HRC),  have all published monographs on the political Religious Right's use of exgays journeys as a weapon against society's changing view of homosexual relationships. 

Indeed. 

Robert Knight, Director of Cultural Studies for the Family Research Council (FRC), was quite open about that with his initial "Normandy landing in the culture war" characterization of the Truth in Love advertising campaign. A year later he described the campaign differently, referring to change in behavior with no reference to change in attraction. In Congressional testimony, Knight blasted criticism of the exgay ad campaign saying that in it "former homosexuals gave the good news that all people are loved by God and have the hope of salvation and that homosexual behavior can be changed."

However, the analyses by PFAW, PRA, and HRC fail to recognize how exgays have been influencing the political Religious Right (pRR) understanding of what it is to grow up gay.

There is an assumption among gayrights activists that any change in tone of pRR organizations is nothing more than the realization of antigay strategy laid out at the May 1994 Glen Eyrie conference, about which I'll write in Part IV of this report. 

It is my thesis that although exgay journeys have been used as an antigay weapon by the pRR, the more significant cultural shift coming from the introduction of exgays into the national conversation is the way in which exgay understanding of growing up gay is changing what the pRR is teaching conservative Christian families and churches. 

The new Justice and Respect website, "Conservative Christians for a Just and Respectful Response to Those Who Experience Same-Sex Attraction" is an example of exgay outreach to the conservative church.
[note: I will link to the J&R site as soon as it is launched. To receive  an email announcement of the launching send a message to maggieBA-subscribe@onelist.com]

Exgay influence parallels, but is distinct from, the breaking down of stereotypes as conservative Christians across the board are realizing that some of their Christian friends are gay. This trend can be seen in the October 4, 1999 Christianity Today forum on homosexuality and public policy. There is a tension between breaking down of stereotypes as conservatives meet responsible gays and the reinforcement of stereotypes through promulgation of exgay testimonies which feature a turning away from a past of degradation and despair along with turning toward Jesus and away from gay identity.

Love Your Children

Excerpt from Part 2 of Steve Schalchlin's Lynchburg Report:

The story that stabbed me in the heart most profoundly was from a woman who described herself as a conservative Christian who believes homosexuality is a sin. 

She said her daughter had come out to her as a lesbian and that in one terrible moment she had told her daughter, 'After you get fixed you can come home again.'

After that the daughter refused to have anything to do with the mother. The mother said, "I should have picked up my purse and my keys and drive 550 miles to make her talk to me but I didn't."

A year later her daughter was found dead hanging in her own closet, a suicide.

The room kinda got very quiet at that because I think one of the most overlooked and critical issues conservative Christian families face is "What am I supposed to do when my child tells me he or she is gay?"

I can tell you what some parents do. Just go down to the Greyhound Bus station in Los Angeles or cruise up and down the streets where the hustlers -- good Christian kids who got thrown out of their homes -- hang out. Check the morgues for their dead bodies. Mel cited a statistic that more than half the gay kids who kill themselves come from Christian homes.

And that's when Jerry Falwell said something that totally blew a lot of my friends' minds.

He saiId,  "I was asked once what I would do if my son came to me and told me he was gay," he said. "I would tell him that I love him, that I believe it's a sin... but I would say, 'I love you. This is your family. This is your bedroom. It is now and forever your home and I will always be your father and your best friend.'"

I burst into tears again (of course). Conservative Christian people LISTEN to Jerry Falwell. They won't listen to me. But they will listen to Jerry. Some of them honestly believe that throwing the kid out of the house is the correct Christian response! Mel correctly said, "This one statement will save lives.

Reverend Falwell said that parents should continue to love their gay children, let them continue to stay in the family home and pray that they'll turn away from homosexual behavior and identity. 

That's what the Catholic Bishops' statement, "All Our Children" says. Anita Worthen of Exodus International has been saying it for years. John Paulk presents that message in his parents workshop at the Focus on the Family (FOTF) Love Won Out conferences. 

Love Won Out

I attended the March 1999 FOTF Love Won Out conference in Memphis. While most of the conference was anything but gay-affirming, the workshop for families and the plenary session on the church's response to gays were consistent with, actually considerably ahead of, Falwell's statements vis-a-vis families and the church.

John Paulk, who was on the cover of Newsweek with his wife Anne, is the board chair for Exodus International and a Gender and Homosexuality specialist with Focus on the Family.

Excerpts from my report on John Paulk's workshop "Someone I Love is Gay - What Can I Do?"
 

Families keep secrets for years or decades, not even telling their best friends." Many senior ministers have contacted him over the years because they have family members (children, siblings, spouses) who are homosexual and they can’t let anyone know. He says that in the churches, perhaps particularly in the south, there is a need to put on a front. "It’s so important to look good, and look good as a Christian. That is not Christianity." 

[At this point the class broke out in applause. It was the only interruption for applause during the workshop.] 

Paulk: "That is not real life, because people are hurting."

Based on the model of his own family, and his experience counseling families, these are the points Paulk teaches. 

1. Accept your loved ones where they are. 

2. Show them unconditional love. This does not mean approval. He is against PFLAG because it teaches approval, "They sold out." Paulk says you can love someone unconditionally without approving of what they do and the example is, God loves us! 

3. Make amends. If you don't have a relationship, start one. It is never too late. Apologize, tell them you love them. Forgiving and making amends goes both ways. Making amends can do away with years of hurt. 

4. Don't manipulate by sending them pro-exgay materials or having pastors call. Stop playing Holy Spirit. 

5. Don't play God. It is not up to you. I don't know anybody, anybody, that comes out of homosexuality for their parents. NOBODY. They change primarily for Him. 

6. Ask your loved one for the same respect and acceptance and tolerance that they ask of you. Love works both ways. They need to tolerate and accept *your* diversity of opinion. 

7. Get personal support for yourself. 

8. Provide hope. 

9. Pray. 

Closing in prayer, Paulk entreated, "Help us to love our loved ones...Help us to not be bound up in who we want our loved ones to be." 

Some people I've shown this to have focused on the criticism of PFLAG. Don't. That's the divide. Focus on Paulk’s criticism of hypocrisy in the church, and on his prayer for parents not to be bound up in whom they want their loved ones to be.

God Loves All His Children

Much has been made of the fact that Falwell said publicly that God loves all his children. Is that really a new statement for Falwell? Others have been saying it all along.

8/29/99 FOTF ad in Colorado Springs Gazette:
"We are motivated by God's life-changing love for us--and even more so by His tremendous love for homosexuals, right where they are. His grace compels us to share the truth of our experience. Yet, it deeply saddens us that we are considered hateful because we believe that when anyone asks God for a relationship with Him, He always responds in love."
Fred Phelps, of God Hates Fags fame, is an anomaly. Most conservative Christians say that God loves all his children and that all of us are sinners. It is not unusual for them to state that judgmental Christians are among the biggest sinners, and to count themselves in that group. 

They understand that pushing people away from God is the most grievous sin, and in their treatment of homosexuals it has been their sin.
 

"How Should We Respond?"

Joe Dallas is the former chair of Exodus International North America. These are excerpts from my transcript of his address "How Should We Respond" to the Memphis, March 1999, Focus on the Family Love Won Out Conference. 

Joe Dallas:
"I believe God would call the body of Christ to repent of hostilities towards homosexual people and he would call us to recommit ourselves too. He would call us to repent of hostility. There is a time for anger. There is a place for anger. But not, not for hostility. 

"I remember in the early 1980s watching a Christian TV program where the Christian host was saying to a live audience, the gays, they've got AIDS and AIDS ain't gay. And the whole studio audience laughed and applauded. And so a wall of hostility and mutual mistrust escalated and a message was sent then that they will never forget.

...

"I remember when I was an active part of the gay community, both with the gay church and involved in several same-sex relationships and promoting pro-gay ideology in the late 70s ...

"And we came to two conclusions; one of them not new. The first being, Christians disagree with us. We knew that. But secondly, we began to think, in addition to disagreeing with us, they are quite willing to speak about us to their constituencies in ways that are false, misleading and sometimes outright damaging. They don't just disagree with us. They loathe us. 

"Now, suppose you were a part of some subculture and you read some material written about you put out by people who were saying that all people like you are left-leaning communists trying to take over the universities, that all people like you molested children, and children were not safe in your presence, that all people like you have had 67,372 sex partners since last Tuesday, and then the same group came to you and said, oh, by the way, we'd love you to join us for church. Would you go? Good grief. I wouldn't walk into a room full of people who thought that of me. 

...

"Because if we are going to use that very well worn cliché and it's not bad - I think it's Biblical, that we hate the sin but we love the sinner. That's fine but you know if you're going to use words as strong as hate and love, then the burden of proof is on you to provide evidence of those two very strong emotions. If we say we hate something we should have evidence that indeed we do, and if we say we love someone there should be tangible evidence that we do that as well. 

"Now, I think we've got the hate part down. I think we've got plenty of good, verifiable, clear evidence that we hate the sin of homosexuality. 

... 

And finally, I believe God would tell the church to repent of a one-dimensional approach to homosexuality and recommit ourselves to appropriate responses."

...

This is why a different voice has to go out from the body of Christ that is unsparing in its conviction that homosexuality is wrong and equally uncompromising in its passionate, aggressive
 love for homosexual people. 

Will that stop the Gay Rights Movement in its tracks?  I don't know.  It could.  But more important than that, we will surely answer for the way we have responded to the issues of our time.  May God help the church in 1999 that when we stand before the body of Christ and the judgment seat of Christ and we are asked how we responded to this issue, we will be able to hear Him say, well done, good and faithful   Thank you. 

Next ... Matthew 5:38-48, Romans 12:14-21
Basic Concepts of Satyagraha
 

Letter from a professor at  Liberty University
 

Lynchburg Report: Steve Schalchlin
 

Lynchburg Report Randy Thomas
 

Lynchburg Report Bob Stith
 
 

Lynchburg Report Julie Burke
 

I Cor:5:11
 

Pictures from Lynchburg
 
 
 
 


 
 
 

 

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