Exgays
and the Political Religious Right
People for the American Way (PFAW),
Public Research Associates (PRA),
and the Human Rights Campaign (HRC),
have all published monographs on the political Religious Right's use of
exgays journeys as a weapon against society's changing view of homosexual
relationships.
Indeed.
Robert Knight, Director
of Cultural Studies for the Family Research Council (FRC), was quite
open about that with his initial "Normandy landing in the culture war"
characterization of the Truth in Love advertising campaign. A year later
he described the campaign differently, referring to change in behavior
with no reference to change in attraction. In
Congressional testimony, Knight blasted criticism of the exgay ad campaign
saying that in it "former homosexuals gave the good news that all people
are loved by God and have the hope of salvation and that homosexual behavior
can be changed."
However, the analyses by PFAW, PRA, and HRC fail to recognize how exgays
have been influencing the political Religious Right (pRR) understanding
of what it is to grow up gay.
There is an assumption
among gayrights activists that any change in tone of pRR organizations
is nothing more than the realization of antigay strategy laid out at the
May 1994 Glen Eyrie conference, about which I'll write in Part IV of
this report.
It is my thesis that although exgay journeys have been used as an
antigay weapon by the pRR, the more significant cultural shift coming from
the introduction of exgays into the national conversation is the way in
which exgay understanding of growing up gay is changing what the pRR is
teaching conservative Christian families and churches.
The new Justice and Respect website, "Conservative Christians
for a Just and Respectful Response to Those Who Experience Same-Sex Attraction"
is an example of exgay outreach to the conservative church.
[note: I will link to the J&R site as soon as it
is launched. To receive an email announcement of the launching send
a message to maggieBA-subscribe@onelist.com]
Exgay influence parallels, but is distinct from, the breaking down of
stereotypes as conservative Christians across the board are realizing that
some of their Christian friends are gay. This
trend can be seen in the October 4, 1999 Christianity Today forum on homosexuality
and public policy. There is a tension between breaking down of stereotypes
as conservatives meet responsible gays and the reinforcement of stereotypes
through promulgation of exgay testimonies which feature a turning away
from a past of degradation and despair along with turning toward Jesus
and away from gay identity.
Love Your Children
Excerpt from Part
2 of Steve Schalchlin's Lynchburg Report:
The story that stabbed me in the heart most profoundly
was from a woman who described herself as a conservative Christian who
believes homosexuality is a sin.
She said her daughter had come out to her as a lesbian
and that in one terrible moment she had told her daughter, 'After you get
fixed you can come home again.'
After that the daughter refused to have anything to do
with the mother. The mother said, "I should have picked up my purse and
my keys and drive 550 miles to make her talk to me but I didn't."
A year later her daughter was found dead hanging in her
own closet, a suicide.
The room kinda got very quiet at that because I think
one of the most overlooked and critical issues conservative Christian families
face is "What am I supposed to do when my child tells me he or she is gay?"
I can tell you what some parents do. Just go down to the
Greyhound Bus station in Los Angeles or cruise up and down the streets
where the hustlers -- good Christian kids who got thrown out of their homes
-- hang out. Check the morgues for their dead bodies. Mel cited a statistic
that more than half the gay kids who kill themselves come from Christian
homes.
And that's when Jerry Falwell said something that totally
blew a lot of my friends' minds.
He saiId, "I was asked once what I would do if my
son came to me and told me he was gay," he said. "I would tell him that
I love him, that I believe it's a sin... but I would say, 'I love you.
This is your family. This is your bedroom. It is now and forever your home
and I will always be your father and your best friend.'"
I burst into tears again (of course). Conservative Christian
people LISTEN to Jerry Falwell. They won't listen to me. But they will
listen to Jerry. Some of them honestly believe that throwing the kid out
of the house is the correct Christian response! Mel correctly said, "This
one statement will save lives.
Reverend Falwell said that parents should continue to love their gay children,
let them continue to stay in the family home and pray that they'll turn
away from homosexual behavior and identity.
That's what the Catholic Bishops' statement, "All
Our Children" says. Anita
Worthen of Exodus International has been saying it for years. John
Paulk presents that message in his parents workshop at the Focus on the
Family (FOTF) Love Won Out conferences.
Love Won Out
I attended the March 1999 FOTF Love Won Out conference in Memphis. While
most of the conference was anything but gay-affirming, the workshop for
families and the plenary session on the church's response to gays were
consistent with, actually considerably ahead of, Falwell's statements vis-a-vis
families and the church.
John Paulk, who was on the cover of Newsweek with his wife Anne, is
the board chair for Exodus International and a Gender and Homosexuality
specialist with Focus on the Family.
Excerpts from
my report on John Paulk's workshop "Someone I Love is Gay - What Can I
Do?"
Families keep secrets for years or decades, not
even telling their best friends." Many senior ministers have contacted
him over the years because they have family members (children, siblings,
spouses) who are homosexual and they can’t let anyone know. He says that
in the churches, perhaps particularly in the south, there is a need to
put on a front. "It’s so important to look good, and look good as a Christian.
That is not Christianity."
[At this point the class broke out in applause. It was
the only interruption for applause during the workshop.]
Paulk: "That is not real life, because people are hurting."
Based on the model of his own family, and his experience
counseling families, these are the points Paulk teaches.
1. Accept your loved ones where they are.
2. Show them unconditional love. This does not mean approval.
He is against PFLAG because it teaches
approval, "They sold out." Paulk says you can love someone unconditionally
without approving of what they do and the example is, God loves us!
3. Make amends. If you don't have a relationship, start
one. It is never too late. Apologize, tell them you love them. Forgiving
and making amends goes both ways. Making amends can do away with years
of hurt.
4. Don't manipulate by sending them pro-exgay materials
or having pastors call. Stop playing Holy Spirit.
5. Don't play God. It is not up to you. I don't know anybody,
anybody, that comes out of homosexuality for their parents. NOBODY. They
change primarily for Him.
6. Ask your loved one for the same respect and acceptance
and tolerance that they ask of you. Love works both ways. They need to
tolerate and accept *your* diversity of opinion.
7. Get personal support for yourself.
8. Provide hope.
9. Pray.
Closing in prayer, Paulk entreated, "Help us to love our
loved ones...Help us to not be bound up in who we want our loved ones to
be."
Some people I've shown this to have focused on the criticism of PFLAG.
Don't. That's the divide. Focus on Paulk’s criticism of hypocrisy in the
church, and on his prayer for parents not to be bound up in whom they want
their loved ones to be.
God Loves All His Children
Much has been made of the fact that Falwell said publicly that God loves
all his children. Is that really a new statement for Falwell? Others have
been saying it all along.
8/29/99
FOTF ad in Colorado Springs Gazette:
"We are motivated by God's life-changing love for us--and
even more so by His tremendous love for homosexuals, right where they are.
His grace compels us to share the truth of our experience. Yet, it deeply
saddens us that we are considered hateful because we believe that when
anyone asks God for a relationship with Him, He always responds in love."
Fred Phelps, of God Hates Fags
fame, is an anomaly. Most conservative Christians say that God loves all
his children and that all of us are sinners. It is not unusual for them
to state that judgmental Christians are among the biggest sinners, and
to count themselves in that group.
They understand that pushing people away from God is the most grievous
sin, and in their treatment of homosexuals it has been their sin.
"How Should We Respond?"
Joe Dallas is the former chair of Exodus International North America.
These are excerpts from my
transcript of his address "How Should We Respond" to the Memphis, March
1999, Focus on the Family Love Won Out Conference.
Joe
Dallas:
"I believe God would call the body of Christ to repent
of hostilities towards homosexual people and he would call us to recommit
ourselves too. He would call us to repent of hostility. There is a time
for anger. There is a place for anger. But not, not for hostility.
"I remember in the early 1980s watching a Christian TV
program where the Christian host was saying to a live audience, the gays,
they've got AIDS and AIDS ain't gay. And the whole studio audience laughed
and applauded. And so a wall of hostility and mutual mistrust escalated
and a message was sent then that they will never forget.
...
"I remember when I was an active part of the gay community,
both with the gay church and involved in several same-sex relationships
and promoting pro-gay ideology in the late 70s ...
"And we came to two conclusions; one of them not new.
The first being, Christians disagree with us. We knew that. But secondly,
we began to think, in addition to disagreeing with us, they are quite willing
to speak about us to their constituencies in ways that are false, misleading
and sometimes outright damaging. They don't just disagree with us. They
loathe us.
"Now, suppose you were a part of some subculture and you
read some material written about you put out by people who were saying
that all people like you are left-leaning communists trying to take over
the universities, that all people like you molested children, and children
were not safe in your presence, that all people like you have had 67,372
sex partners since last Tuesday, and then the same group came to you and
said, oh, by the way, we'd love you to join us for church. Would you go?
Good grief. I wouldn't walk into a room full of people who thought that
of me.
...
"Because if we are going to use that very well worn cliché
and it's not bad - I think it's Biblical, that we hate the sin but we love
the sinner. That's fine but you know if you're going to use words as strong
as hate and love, then the burden of proof is on you to provide evidence
of those two very strong emotions. If we say we hate something we should
have evidence that indeed we do, and if we say we love someone there should
be tangible evidence that we do that as well.
"Now, I think we've got the hate part down. I think we've
got plenty of good, verifiable, clear evidence that we hate the sin of
homosexuality.
...
And finally, I believe God would tell the church to repent
of a one-dimensional approach to homosexuality and recommit ourselves to
appropriate responses."
...
This is why a different voice has to go out from the body
of Christ that is unsparing in its conviction that homosexuality is wrong
and equally uncompromising in its passionate, aggressive
love for homosexual people.
Will that stop the Gay Rights Movement in its tracks?
I don't know. It could. But more important than that, we will
surely answer for the way we have responded to the issues of our time.
May God help the church in 1999 that when we stand before the body of Christ
and the judgment seat of Christ and we are asked how we responded to this
issue, we will be able to hear Him say, well done, good and faithful
Thank you.
Next
... Matthew 5:38-48, Romans 12:14-21 |