Post-gay sexuality
Four Letters  from Steve C to Steve S

ex-gay groups

post-gay sexuality (you are here)

the divide

God loves LGB people

Three Letters from Steve S to Steve C and Maggie 

A Sinful Theology

Doubting the Doubts

Ex-Gays and Homosexualities

Date: Fri, 21 Mar 1997 00:17:17 -0500 (EST)
From: Steve C 
To: Steve S

Subject: Post Gay Sexuality

On Thu, 20 Mar 1997, Steve Schalchlin wrote: 
In reading your comments about how you changed to hetero, I can only state that, since you make such a point about masculinity and fatherhood and  these kinds of needs that you were not gay at all.

Steve C.: 
Well, "if it looks like a rose, and smells like a rose ..."  What can I say without "protesting too much"?  I sure thought I was gay. 'sure fooled (quite a number of) other people too then over about a 15 year period. 

I believe it is Hamer (perhaps using another researcher's framework) that speaks about sexuality as four omponents.  Attraction, self-identity, behaviour, and fantasy.  I had 'em all.  Big time. 

So what makes a real one then?  (I just hope we're not heading off on another "gene scam" chase, as The Guide called it.) 

Steve S. said: [snip] 
You might have indulged in gay sex in order to fulfill some kind of psychological problem with your  parental unit, but that's not being gay. That's just having gay sex. 

Steve C.: 
With all due respect Steve, considering the whole emotional/self-identity content I experienced, that sounds like ..."that's not true kleptomania, that's just uncontrollable stealing." 

Steve S. said: [snip] 
 That sounds like a person with problems trying to work them out. It makes  me very happy that you worked them out or you might have broken some  trusting truly gay man's heart along the way. I've seen this before. If gay sex is a sin, then it's only sin if you aren't gay. I believe that it's a  sin for me to have straight sex since I am not a hetero. 

Steve C.: 
And bisexuals?  (Or what about people who experience a shift in their sexuality?) 

Steve S. said: [snip] 
I believe your story. I believe you liked gay sex and that you worked through it and now like straight sex. Call it post-gay or call it "finding yourself" or anything else you want to. I've stated my opinion on your "gayness." 

Ditto. :-)  And I would add that my opinion is based on walking around in the subject's skin for almost 42 years. :-) 

Steve S. said: [snip] 
 Steve, I have all the respect in the world for your sexuality, whatever it might be. I'm so happy you found your true self. Few people find even that much. 

Steve C.: 
Thanks, Steve, I *know* that is sincere and truly comes from the heart and I appreciate it. 

These are very challenging subjects and phenomonally emotionally weighted for you and me and almost every person cc'd.  I just want to say that I appreciate you and find a warmth in your writing - even when we disagree - that makes me really like you.  *You're okay, Steve. :-)* 

Would you please add me to your email list of your daily diary? 


Steve (C)



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